Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
