I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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