Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
