I want to have your abortion
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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