The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
