I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
