Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
