no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
