Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will pee on everything he values.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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