Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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