Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
