did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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