You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
