Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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