And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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