Are we in a gay sports bar?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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