It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
