Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
