we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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