If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
