So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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