That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
