Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
