hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
