what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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