the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im holly from the hills drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I want a musical about memes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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