I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
