You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
