Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
