I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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