dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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