He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
