So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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