Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
