I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
