Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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