I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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