I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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