Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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