I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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