I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
