he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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