So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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