did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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