That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
