My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
