I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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