Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
