To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
