I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
