We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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